Monday, 29 June 2009

When your Friend gets a Girlfriend

Contrary to popular belief that marriage changes a man , these days , they are molded much earlier. I had never imagined during my growing up years that, it would be an issue worth writing , however, as it appears, it very much is.

Love , partly a euphemism for attraction and partly unexplained phenomenon stalks youth very indiscriminately these days. It changes the entire dimension of life for individuals and they begin to see and experience much than what they could or would have had with the bare eyes. Biologically , love is just a set of chemical reaction of hormones that makes one irrational for time being and changes the dimensions completely. I don't intend to get into debating this objective view of love , however, its the ramifications of this love that I am concerned about.

Very certainly it changes the perspective and life of individuals in love tremendously , but how much change does it bring to the friends of couples. Friends of couples have been given unfair treatment in this whole episode of love, although their role is no less important . This injustice can be observed both in day to day life and reel life. They are the catalysts of the relationship yet the are sidelined by the focus on couples.

I shall try to square this iniquity in literature at least. To whatsoever extent ,it does change the life of friends . The change however isn't overnight.It progresses in stages, starting with the guy being busy SMSing or blubbering on phone in aloof, portending an imminent expansion of group and alienation of the guy. Well , these poor souls bear this change with equanimity , but it doesn't stop there. One day it gets official and you have a new member in the group and whether you liked it or not, it has to expand. At this stage guy has to welcome the the inclusion of the new member in the group whole heartedly, and even make amends to his ways to make it comfortable for the new entrant. As days progress he gets used to the friend's ringtones and constant litany of "aur batao". It doesn't stop here,however, he is to be, from now, an advocate of his friend's girlfriend, to sort things out whenever there are signs of strains. This is an uphill task when none of them is ready to oblige and you don't know what is the fight actually for. However, even at the cost of looking foolish he tries sort it out.

And yeah, it doesn't end there as well; now things don't happen as they used to be, it changes diametrically. Plans have to accommodate the whims and fancies of new member. The plight of guy is pitiable when he has to act as the adjutant to his friend's girlfriend and her fantastic plans , for his friend's birthday celebrations and other such events . Poor soul, bears it all for the sake of his friend. And then, as the time progresses, things change irreparably, the connection between you and your friend takes a different dimension. Perhaps that's the course nature has attributed to it.

Amazingly, each of the guys in the group feels this twinge when one of the member gets a girlfriend, but all behave similarly in their own case. Its not that I wish to portray it as a nasty encumbrance, its that there are unsung heroes behind all these affairs and who have been completely neglected . Change is the only constant thing in the universe and hence people keep changing with time. So next time your affair crystallizes , don't forget to thank your friend, his sacrifices aren't less worthy than yours.


Unknown said...

Lovely, lovely, lovely!!!i had a smile on my face throughout!!

Aparna Ganguly said...

'In sooth, I know not why I am so sad'. You explain the weariness Antonio was experiencing in The Merchant Of Venice. Many believe that the reason for Antonio’s sadness was the impending loss of his friend to a woman’s affections. Strangely enough, a close-knit group of female pals might go through similar emotions. The thing is - we need more relations than comradeship to evolve emotionally. So, when a dear friend has been hit by Cupid, the best thing is to give him/her the space new couples need. Personally, I don't undermine the value of true friends in my life. It is a balancing act all the way.

Good post.