Friday, 15 August 2008

Words of Frustration.

Born in a fucked up place and country, I never had a belief of making it big. Into the heated and dusty place, commuting daily for multiple tuition classes, to learn god knew what.I always had to get myself f****d up against all odds. And all those f*****g worries and tensions went into a gutter, drained away to nothing. What was the meaning of all those sleepless nights that I had? and then to make things worse my lust overgrew itself and I landed up into an obsession of love, which destroyed me beyond repairs. Getting f****d up every morning and night, hoping to hold on until things get better, which they never did. The idea of a sunrise after a long dark night never manifested itself in reality.With each passing day a part of me was mutilated, humiliated, disgraced and destroyed. Putting up sham of seriousness and diligence in life I tried to captivate my mind into the bounds of studies, but that never helped and I went into a deeper abyss. The situation was so dimly vague that it led me inwards into the search if my own self, realization of truth and wisdom. Putting up a considerable amount of effort and time I carried out the search of my inner-being, only to get lost at each new discovery. My laziness overpowered my capacity and dreamland became my dwelling point.

And then with an insouciant desire to be something existing simultaneously with a losing faith in self, I was led into the realms of self-realization. They led me to unknown corners of my thoughts and desire,but, as always none of them could hold me for long. The demolition of the soul continues each day, chiseled finely by the hands of clock, and marveled by the timing and sharpness. And , then confusion rears its head once again. The confusion of being something, of having someone. Everything is lost and fucked up. I don't know what the hell did James Frey (Author: A million Little Pieces) think, but I am sure this life is a f****d up place and all I can afford is to be getting f****d each day and night. This is what my destiny is.

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