Thursday, 11 February 2010

As it happened . . . - VI

"You appear to be lost. Where do you think you want to go?", the old man asked him. But he, sitting by his side kept looking in the oblivion. "You seem to me to be the affected one, the kind, lost in itself. I know where I am heading to, but you seem lost, even with me, and that's a rarity.", the old driver remarked with smirk sprawled over his face.

He didn't bother to take note of those words , yet out of irritation he blurted , " I am of the kind who has just left everything behind himself ,at the instigation of a reasoning mind which wallowed in rationality and failed to take practicability into account. And now, when I have debased myself and failed at the application of my own thoughts, I do not see any merit in it. I can't see people around, I can't go back to my old world, and most sadly, I can't think practical any more. Of your help , I am grateful, yet I would wish not to be lectured by some moronic cart driver."

The old man chuckled, " Ah! You see. Of all the persons in the world you seem to need me the most now, although you don't know it. Go ahead and spew all your anger on me, on my oxen and on this world .I am sure you would want to do that"

He didn't speak. His state was that of an anxious devil, not having the capacity and grit to stay in any one. As if his throat has been half slit by the dagger, yet, he couldn't decide whether to throw it off or bear the pain. He started banging his fist on the cart, with violent blows and then fell into sobs. "Why me? Why do I have to be the one who has to bear all of this.I was going along with my life, with a fragile yet unbroken order, why was that broken? In a fit of idealism , I have pitched and tossed everything that I had. Honor, relations, money. I had been a dedicated human, dedicated to course of life, submitting to all the inconsistencies and getting along with it, although with a tumultuous and treacherous soul inside that kept tottering on the brinks of sanity. It was suppressed, and contained in a tin of consistency by me, but last night, it went over my head. I threw aside all that I had, all of it."

He became silent, and driver stopped the cart. It had become all very quiet , suddenly, his breath in violent gust was the only sound audible accompanied by the sporadic tinkle of cow bells. He rose his head , gazing at the infinite stretch of plains ahead.

"And then , when I felt liberated, I found that there was no moral requirement to life. I wanted to prove to myself, that morals, as we knew was just a sham,to deceive and to control. After I had destroyed all the traces of my existence in my social life, I road up to a tavern and caroused .The liberation that I had tasted was driving me to the extremes of pleasure. I felt joy, enormous joy , beyond my immanent capacity. However, after some time I felt, that the more was I drinking, the thirstier I got. But, I had decided to touch the extremes of pleasure and thus I decided to slake my thirst with corporal pleasures."

"Nearby to the tavern dwelt a lady,most beautiful in the world, as was the word around the town. Her beauty enmeshed the greatest of souls and ripped them apart. Yet I knew, that for her beauty, she isn't solicitous of plebeian offers. Her reach was among the aristocrats of the town.People in the town spoke of her influential connections and the way she used them to straighten her own means. I felt my pocket which was still bulging with the cash that I had filched, and if that were not enough to accost her,I thought, at least I could have the whiff of her beauty for that money."

And in a few moments I was at her door.Her guards wouldn't let me in but I, inebriated and fractious,doggedly pressed on my demands to see her, for once at least. On hearing the commotion she came up to the door, still behind it, though,as she wouldn't show her face so easily. I knew that."I do not entertain guests of your sort and more so , not at all at this hour", she spoke from behind the door, with anger mixed in her mellifluous overtones.

"I am a man of honor madam. I stand for what I say. Please ask these guards to stand apart from me. I know I am drunk, yet I know that my honor would never imagine to disgrace you. I just want your company, for some time, and If you still aren't amused I shall leave without even looking at you", Said I.

Something in my words seemed to impress her and she uttered, "Fine! Guards. leave him alone over there and wait near the hall. Let him talk himself out to me, yet be wary ,for if he raises commotion, drag him out, instantly.

"Thanks Mam! Believe me, my sobriety isn't related to my drunkenness. I am a man of honor, although I am drunk this moment, which in in our social order isn't considered very honorable. But what is honor miss? Goodness and badness?Do they drive it? But there is no good or bad. I have known it all along and I know many of them know this maxim, yet few seem to be willing to comply to it.But I have broken those shackles, miss, forgive me! but why do you consider your own position as honorable, although the social order doesn't conform to it? You see! you yourself know it better than I do. I have broken all these shackles and dissolved all good and bad. But it's your company , that I want, why, because I seek pleasure, of your presence , of savoring your beauty, deceptive though it may be.

"You seem to be affected. What has afflicted you so deeply? Sit down, and tell me all that you want to say. I know. I have seen people like you, bursting in front of me and clearing themselves of all grief and sins. In my presence, which they identify an epitome of sin,people feel liberated. I have liberated many of them, but, I wouldn't allow you to sight me, until I get your story", she kept on talking from behind the door, half open now, in order to look at me from the corner.

"No miss! you misunderstand me. I do not have a story for you. I do not have any pot of sin to break and disperse in your sinister haven, as you consider it to be.And I know, in you too there is no sin. ", and we kept talking like that for some time. At times, when I felt my senses back I wondered why was she bearing my didactic tone, yet I for most of the time, kept on blabbering and she, kept on listening, like a still mountain behind the doors. At times, my desire to sight her impulsed me to open the door, but I didn't. I didn't want to break the tranquility and love that was seeping through those impervious doors.

I kept on talking to her for a long time until it was too late in the night. And then suddenly, I felt, I no longer needed her presence to gratify myself. The urge had gone.
"Miss! I had come with such intentions harbored, so as to wallow in your beauty, and now I feel satiated and content even without their fulfillment. I am looking at the moon light that's dripping onto your doors and it seems as if they have embraced me as their lover. I too feel the pleasure of mating with them. You see miss, I told you! I am the man of honor, and I will pay you for you time spent with me. But now I have to go. I have slaked my thirst, and with your presence so deep in these moments in my life that I cannot pay with any coins in the world,and at the same time I realize the gold that you have hidden in your heart. Question it, question your sins, and your morals. They are nothing more than a facade. I have bared all in front of you now,and you know me more than anyone else, but I wouldn't wait for any more grace from you, I have had enough, and I am content."
And then I got up, leaving the bundle of notes behind, without even waiting for her to bid me off.

It was still night, and it seemed likely to rain later in the night, although there were very sparse clouds around that time. But as I moved out of her villa, I felt a terrible weakness in my legs and then suddenly, I felt a severe jolt in my head, questions loomed large on my face and then I don't remember what happened."

He took a deep sigh and then told the rest that happened after he woke up from that filth pile.

"You appear to me to be a person in transit. Don't worry, it's all but sure to happen with you if you were to take the leap. The first step, dangling among different choices shall be the difficult one. But I must say that your account matches almost to the one that this other passenger of mine told me on the way.", said the old man, pulling aside the veil at the back of the cart.

"You are right to guess, old man! , though I wished you would have kept it yourself ,but now, as I find him on his journey , still troubled , I wouldn't hide myself. I am here, tied to your destiny . " She appeared from behind the veil of the cart. With the baby, still in her arms.

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