Friday 30 January 2009

Just an another day today.

Just an another day today. Air is dry and Sun is blistering. Wearily I prepare to leave for office. My mind is full of questions. Questions of what? I can't say for sure. I guess that is what give so much intensity to the question. I just reckon the to do's of the day , but that doesn't hold my attention for long. Very frequently the question bangs against my mind. Who am I? What am I? How do I know myself? What is my Identity? How do I travel into the realms of the unexplored domain of mind and search myself. I am my mind, my reason, my logic. But then why doesn't it manifest itself. Am I not an animal, striving to fulfill its needs but could never see the peace within. If my mind is me, why does it thinks against me? If my mind is me why doesn't it seek life? How could my mind turn a traitor against me, thereby against itself. Its paradoxical. Is it self destroying? If so it must have been destroyed by now. I know that it seeks existence, but then why is it that it acts against life.In the Upanishads it is said that our goal is to realize self, its self that gives identity to this world. Where has this self gone? What leashes this valiant mind and subdues it ? What does it fear? What does it want to be? What does it wish to avoid? With the net result of further confusing myself, I leave house with a hanging face.

On my bike now, driving to office. Gentle breeze blows against my face, dead leaves fall off the trees and spread in front of me. Its the spring time, the time when old sheds itself and gives way to new. Lost in these I gaze at the dried branches of the trees around. Barren as they are, yet hopeful of new life. I take a look around me and find multitude of people buzzing. Are they too dead , ready to give way to new life? It seems truer to me in my own context. But to what life have I paved the way?

Wheel rolls at 60Km/ph and I am at office now, weary of beginning the day. It has to begin but. For until I am the dead leaf of the tree of life, I am alive. Till then I know that my mind is alive as well. The struggle between me and my mind shall continue this way, hoping that some day they may reconcile and move together. Digging deep I hit upon a plausible reason of conflict. My mind is a free entity but I am the product of others mind and so are they. I am the part of that long chain of blinded people held together with ignorance. My mind tends to act as my liberator but I tend to be bound. Could they ever come together? I don't know? But a strong conviction that I have in unison with my mind is that knowledge will liberate me and will bring us together. Knowledge is what I should seek for it holds the promise of liberation for me. I could be right this time. It holds the promise for me. Knowledge. It guides me to a purpose. Cautiously optimistic as I am, I feel good about it, but that traitor knows something that I don't and smirks at me silently.

2 comments:

Yash Manwani said...

" Digging deep I hit upon a plausible reason of conflict. My mind is a free entity but I am the product of others mind and so are they. I am the part of that long chain of blinded people held together with ignorance. My mind tends to act as my liberator but I tend to be bound."

very well said. deep thought.

Aashish Gupta said...

Profound, indeed.