As a person I am naturally smug of my thought process, which I and for that matter we all believe is ours solely. Notion of our mind being played by others could be intriguing as well as frustrating and for the same reason never acknowledged with open arms. Decision making process is attributed to be the prerogative of one's intellect and one's intellect only, wrongly however.
My personal observation of decision making process seems to conclude that it is heavily dependent on immediate surrounding in which the person is, and in particular on the opinion of person around you when the situation at hand is to be one to which your acquaintance happens to be relatively new. Take for instance the decision of choosing your drink when in a group, its going to be substantially affected the group's choice of drink , unless you are too sure of what you want to have. Its strange to find that , your immediate surrounding could even trump your personal choice ( a vague idea, may be ). And when the decision has been made and you look at it from a different vantage point you wonder why you made that choice, or whether you would have had really made that choice , under the situation when different set of people were around you.
It leads me to a more generic conclusion; unless we are too sure of what we want to do, at any general moment, which most of us generally aren't , we are going to be considerably affected by the person around us. Every moment is a new one , laden with sudden events and unexpected ones , and in this moment the decision making gets heavily influenced. Its for this same reason that our parents enforce upon us the need for a good friend ( with their personal notion of goodness), and its for the same reason that we zero in on an institution where we could find superior quality intellectuals around us, which would considerably influence our choices made and motivate us to direct greater part of our force towards bettering ourselves in the qualities of our surrounding.
Looked at philosophically, it all ends at the point where things are differentiated by what lies within and what lies without. Its true that our mind is capable of making decisions , choosing the best course for itself, but its only in full command when you "know" what you want , and not when you have a fuzzy notion of your want. In the latter case it will always be a slave of fortuitous circumstances around us. How do we decide or for that matter know what we want to do? This is the hard part, nevertheless, I would suggest , "think" and yeah preferably in solitude .
Friday 31 July 2009
Wednesday 29 July 2009
This aimless day moves on ...
As the day passes, silence overgrows the pace and chaos around. I feel the eyelids to be a lot heavier, yet not willing to get lost in sleep. In the pursuit of the meaning and aim , I find none , and the more I try to define , the more it undefines itself. An ever simmering desire to excel in what I do , smolders within, however, never hot enough to lead me.
What I see around me, is a sense of compliance with mediocrity, the kind which people have surrendered their whole life to. I am put into this cauldron of mediocrity and wish for excellence. What is the aim of a middle class working person like me ? To marry, to earn, to reproduce, all the while , never understanding what they mean. Earn . Earn what? What does earning mean? Marry . For what ? What is the purpose of marriage , besides trying to enforce a social order? A default is always at hand , never necessitating the involvement of one's mind.Middle class of a nation decides the prosperity gradient of a country, certainly it does, but only in terms of economy, where is the thought process? Its too conspicuously absent. A mere growth in terms of cash doesn't provide a meaning to life, it starts from an individual, his growth , but that is never discussed.
If instead of asking these questions, I could serve to make this realization possible , wouldn't that be a credible achievement beyond immediate material and kind gains? Where does one start from , and what is his goal? Too difficult to substantiate the claims , but this isn't too good an excuse for the same. Do what you like, but how do you do, when the the whole world seems to have contrived to not let you do it. Probably the cinders have turned too cold to warrant any action, too desire less to work.
Just the other day , a friend of mine remarked with utter sincerity. " One should know his/her limits of achievement,If he is a mediocre, he should chose those ways and go on."
At the first sight , he seemed to me to be a practical person, doling out a practical advise, the advise which works, which could be substantiated.However , I took another look at his words. "Limits of achievement"; its too simplifying a statement. How could the limit of achievement be stated, its the basic premise on which life moves, and moves a person. Achievement lies not completely in being at specified places, but in being what you though you would be. One can never underachieve, he will achieve what his worth is, how he views it and how others respect it , decides its social worth. Nevertheless, what one does with sincere devotion to what he is doing , cant go unnoticed by the society , which panders to such images of greatness and parasitically tries to gain from it. What are we ? A parasite ? or a doer? Our actions defines what we are and what we have been.
As I write this my eyes get puffed up with tiredness, but why am I tired? Not because I overdid my work, but because I am not my work.The day I find the work , where my work and me are the same , I will never be tired. Till then , nothing else seems worthy , except the silent snores of a peaceful overnight journey of dreams.
What I see around me, is a sense of compliance with mediocrity, the kind which people have surrendered their whole life to. I am put into this cauldron of mediocrity and wish for excellence. What is the aim of a middle class working person like me ? To marry, to earn, to reproduce, all the while , never understanding what they mean. Earn . Earn what? What does earning mean? Marry . For what ? What is the purpose of marriage , besides trying to enforce a social order? A default is always at hand , never necessitating the involvement of one's mind.Middle class of a nation decides the prosperity gradient of a country, certainly it does, but only in terms of economy, where is the thought process? Its too conspicuously absent. A mere growth in terms of cash doesn't provide a meaning to life, it starts from an individual, his growth , but that is never discussed.
If instead of asking these questions, I could serve to make this realization possible , wouldn't that be a credible achievement beyond immediate material and kind gains? Where does one start from , and what is his goal? Too difficult to substantiate the claims , but this isn't too good an excuse for the same. Do what you like, but how do you do, when the the whole world seems to have contrived to not let you do it. Probably the cinders have turned too cold to warrant any action, too desire less to work.
Just the other day , a friend of mine remarked with utter sincerity. " One should know his/her limits of achievement,If he is a mediocre, he should chose those ways and go on."
At the first sight , he seemed to me to be a practical person, doling out a practical advise, the advise which works, which could be substantiated.However , I took another look at his words. "Limits of achievement"; its too simplifying a statement. How could the limit of achievement be stated, its the basic premise on which life moves, and moves a person. Achievement lies not completely in being at specified places, but in being what you though you would be. One can never underachieve, he will achieve what his worth is, how he views it and how others respect it , decides its social worth. Nevertheless, what one does with sincere devotion to what he is doing , cant go unnoticed by the society , which panders to such images of greatness and parasitically tries to gain from it. What are we ? A parasite ? or a doer? Our actions defines what we are and what we have been.
As I write this my eyes get puffed up with tiredness, but why am I tired? Not because I overdid my work, but because I am not my work.The day I find the work , where my work and me are the same , I will never be tired. Till then , nothing else seems worthy , except the silent snores of a peaceful overnight journey of dreams.
Monday 27 July 2009
Child Birth in China & India
Recently , Chinese government expressed concern over their aging population, largely , as a result of their "One child policy" adopted since 1970's. The officials are planning now to encourage people to have more than one children in some parts of the country, however, it seems now that the populace has gotten so used to the economical structure of having only one children that the prospect of second child appeals to few. By an official estimate, Chinese have prevented 300 million childbirth since 70s. By no means a small number; it certainly has helped china in economical development .
In India too around the same time ( in 1975 , to be precise), Sanjay Gandhi championed the idea of population control through forced vasectomy. It didn't meet considerable success, nevertheless it throws a intriguing question in the ring. If I were to be born in China, I wouldn't have had my sister or brother, but being in India too could have led to the same case , had my father been the victim of the forced vasectomy operation. The question that it brings forth is , can humans can control human life , which in a sense seems recursive, we being the master of life. What it suggests to me ,is that in a proper philosophical sense life is not the end in itself, nor is death. If this thinking is to lead me to something , let it not be hampered by the belief that the "life's" supreme. What I suggest as the watchword for searching truth is "it doesn't matter"
However, coming back to the corporeal aspects. In an article published off late, author appeals to the Health ministry of India to focus on maternal care aspects , rather than on the population control measures directly. She ridicules the veneration of Malthusian idea of attacking the problem through numbers rather than by the improvement in care system. Population control, she suggests would be taken care by nature itself, the fertility rate of Indian population, she remarks , has gone down to 3.7. Surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, it is higher in the non prosperous states, while lower in the prosperous states. No prizes for guessing that it is high in Bihar, 4, higher than most other states, but an another statistics ranks high in Bihar, female mortality rate, pregnancy deaths, 321 out of 10,000, while the national average hovers around 250 odd. These findings in a way express the balance that the nature expresses to make. In order to keep their line alive , one factor's loss is compensated by the growth in another. However, its no matter of pride that Bihar leads in both these statistics and very certainly the factors that reduce one will help reduce other as well. Bihar has since long been the most deprived state of the Indian nation, a sort of live model for everything wrong with India. Poverty, illiteracy, casteism, floods, drought, and every other such thing, which a nation would like to avoid in the process of its development. Over here, it could serve as an example / testboard for what could be done to prevent the "volcano from erupting"
Child birth and thus population control is a serious and sensitive issue , which nation has to take with seriousness. Indian government could take the initiative by preventing deaths during child birth by heavily investing in the corresponding programs. Once the insurity of life decreases, the sense to control it would take deeper root, for now its the only source of insurance for the poor lot.
In India too around the same time ( in 1975 , to be precise), Sanjay Gandhi championed the idea of population control through forced vasectomy. It didn't meet considerable success, nevertheless it throws a intriguing question in the ring. If I were to be born in China, I wouldn't have had my sister or brother, but being in India too could have led to the same case , had my father been the victim of the forced vasectomy operation. The question that it brings forth is , can humans can control human life , which in a sense seems recursive, we being the master of life. What it suggests to me ,is that in a proper philosophical sense life is not the end in itself, nor is death. If this thinking is to lead me to something , let it not be hampered by the belief that the "life's" supreme. What I suggest as the watchword for searching truth is "it doesn't matter"
However, coming back to the corporeal aspects. In an article published off late, author appeals to the Health ministry of India to focus on maternal care aspects , rather than on the population control measures directly. She ridicules the veneration of Malthusian idea of attacking the problem through numbers rather than by the improvement in care system. Population control, she suggests would be taken care by nature itself, the fertility rate of Indian population, she remarks , has gone down to 3.7. Surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, it is higher in the non prosperous states, while lower in the prosperous states. No prizes for guessing that it is high in Bihar, 4, higher than most other states, but an another statistics ranks high in Bihar, female mortality rate, pregnancy deaths, 321 out of 10,000, while the national average hovers around 250 odd. These findings in a way express the balance that the nature expresses to make. In order to keep their line alive , one factor's loss is compensated by the growth in another. However, its no matter of pride that Bihar leads in both these statistics and very certainly the factors that reduce one will help reduce other as well. Bihar has since long been the most deprived state of the Indian nation, a sort of live model for everything wrong with India. Poverty, illiteracy, casteism, floods, drought, and every other such thing, which a nation would like to avoid in the process of its development. Over here, it could serve as an example / testboard for what could be done to prevent the "volcano from erupting"
Child birth and thus population control is a serious and sensitive issue , which nation has to take with seriousness. Indian government could take the initiative by preventing deaths during child birth by heavily investing in the corresponding programs. Once the insurity of life decreases, the sense to control it would take deeper root, for now its the only source of insurance for the poor lot.
Wednesday 22 July 2009
Virus of Optimism
Have you heard of it ? Virus of optimism . Looks a catchy word, which indeed it is, doesn't undermine the reality that we are severely affected by this virus. I first came to know of this virus from Salman Rushdie, where in his book Midnight's Children he manifets,as to how this virus ran through the genes of Indian population , once the children of midnight placed their foot on the freed land.
You are infected with it, and so am I . A perceived prospect of better future sees this virus in its full vigor. Every dream and hope further bolsters its strength. Is it pernicious? Depends. Depends on the dreams , on the optimism conjured. While on the one hand , its a necessary element for the life itself, on the other hand , it blinds our vision. The sort of wishes that blind the very trueness of things around us and symbolizes everything beyond as something worth striving for.
You may think , I am fooling around with words, but let me get you on the same page. It runs through us day in and day out, but its manifestations are easy to observe when , say , "
a blind man hears from a qualified doctor that he can be easily see after a mild surgery,
when an average student is being told by a gregarious and qualified teacher that he can easily top the class with a diligent effort,
when a patriotic movie raises your sentiment about the inexorable certainty of India emerging a global player with your efforts,
ans when " Aamir Khan told in Lagaan to other villagers that they can learn the game and win as well, and then there would be no more Lagaan
".
There are examples galore , just that you never thought of naming it.
Inherent in its nature is the capacity to drive actions, capacity to create illusions, and the tenacity to rear its head in the most pacific of situations. It serves to direct our actions towards a goal, valuing the end greatly , while placing no merit upon the path itself. It blinds our sense of being as it is and creates a make believe that what lies next is the only truth left. Sadly , the illusion doesn't last long upon its victims and they understand that it was not so , sooner or later, but remain susceptible to it , to embark on a journey to another goal. A chase it creates, mindless and end less, while the path itself has no relevance left for the seeker.
If it s virus, it must grow, and it does, with every hint of sucess , optimism grows , only to be realised at a point that it was just a bloated , skewed truth to seek. Even though , it doesn't seem to harm us directly, it certainly does redirect our way of thinking.
How do we fight this virus? Simple. Realize that Means are as or more important than Ends , and thus will be no virulent flow of optimism nor sinking feeling of pessimism , but instead a constant stream of action.
You are infected with it, and so am I . A perceived prospect of better future sees this virus in its full vigor. Every dream and hope further bolsters its strength. Is it pernicious? Depends. Depends on the dreams , on the optimism conjured. While on the one hand , its a necessary element for the life itself, on the other hand , it blinds our vision. The sort of wishes that blind the very trueness of things around us and symbolizes everything beyond as something worth striving for.
You may think , I am fooling around with words, but let me get you on the same page. It runs through us day in and day out, but its manifestations are easy to observe when , say , "
a blind man hears from a qualified doctor that he can be easily see after a mild surgery,
when an average student is being told by a gregarious and qualified teacher that he can easily top the class with a diligent effort,
when a patriotic movie raises your sentiment about the inexorable certainty of India emerging a global player with your efforts,
ans when " Aamir Khan told in Lagaan to other villagers that they can learn the game and win as well, and then there would be no more Lagaan
".
There are examples galore , just that you never thought of naming it.
Inherent in its nature is the capacity to drive actions, capacity to create illusions, and the tenacity to rear its head in the most pacific of situations. It serves to direct our actions towards a goal, valuing the end greatly , while placing no merit upon the path itself. It blinds our sense of being as it is and creates a make believe that what lies next is the only truth left. Sadly , the illusion doesn't last long upon its victims and they understand that it was not so , sooner or later, but remain susceptible to it , to embark on a journey to another goal. A chase it creates, mindless and end less, while the path itself has no relevance left for the seeker.
If it s virus, it must grow, and it does, with every hint of sucess , optimism grows , only to be realised at a point that it was just a bloated , skewed truth to seek. Even though , it doesn't seem to harm us directly, it certainly does redirect our way of thinking.
How do we fight this virus? Simple. Realize that Means are as or more important than Ends , and thus will be no virulent flow of optimism nor sinking feeling of pessimism , but instead a constant stream of action.
Monday 20 July 2009
Unbridled Rambling
For every step forward the number of options outrun the capacity of mind . If all paths lead to Rome, why should it matter, which road I chose the next moment. I will reach over there where everybody reaches anyhow. But will the end justify the means?
If it is to only reach the end that we strive, there is no requirement of choosing. There is no rational decision to be made. Means - they are quite understated in the common state of affairs. Means I guess is as, if not more, important as End. Means , is what life is , End is a sharp line of demarcation between existence and non-existence. Success , could only be valued if its means were great. Its this requirement of means being proper which forces me to realize the importance of making decisions.
Decision making is the process by which we choose between different alternatives in front of us , based on the futuristic guesses. Here is the catch,however, we make our decisions of future , based on our understanding of the past , and thus cant expect to get better than what we were. If past is what directs our decision surely something has been missed for future. But if we do not have a baseline where do we start from , what do we look out for? Since , it is not an easy question to answer, we seek defaults, created by society, by popular wisdom,by convention and I am afraid that I too don't have the answer. However let's try nonetheless.
If I am a human being and consider my joy and sorrow bound to other human beings , then we are caught in a vicious cycle of indeterminism. Trying to fill all the void is like trying to fill in all the holes in a net with chalk while it wades in water. In a sense it points out that being human is not end of me. My interaction with the world, in form of other human, animals, non-living elements,ideas etc is directed by my sense and thus by my mind. In a way , its the mind which is guarding my path, and tries to select the best possible way next. Why does mind have to do it ? There has to be some reason for it . Mind is not an absolute , but it tries to achieve absolute results, in terms of concretes that is success, sex, pleasure, pride, , but if there is no such permanent thing or to say that such a thing is only defined by my sense of good and bad which is the result of the confluence of the teaching of the world and the mind, then why can't it be directed to the best direction.Why do I get bored if it is so "bad", boredom results from our disinterested act and that results from doing things whihc we don't believe to be liking.But how can mind decide it , It doesn't have its own capacity to think straight , then how could it provide me a straight path in ,my life, thus there will not be any straight path, there will be several paths always in the life and I have to choose the best among them . But In a way I must have been choosing it all along , and must have had been doing it right for I cant do otherwise. I may not be very successful in my interaction with other human beings, not what I am good at , I am good at being diligent , liking things that I do , and keep on doing the same things, and doing the things in a good way. In discussing ,in learning . Where do I get such a path for my life. In education system may be , but am I ready to pay the price really ? I have doubts in my mind. I feel that the real source of frustration and doubt has been my own self doubt in the capacity to lead a life alone and then again a capacity to lead a life with rules and regulations set by others. If I cant live like the way others tell me, I cant expect them to be doing so for me as well , then whey do I seek it . Life doesn't want and doesn't need other things, there is no you and others., all are one , in this oneness lies something which you have to discover abut in what way do you think you are not discovering it as of now. There must be certain reasons for it . I don't understand the truth but it certainly in a way directs me to the point that , I carry this pretention in order to get selected at IIM so that some of my eccentricities lead me to that place and then again I shall be the same person , uninterested in the things around me.
If then there is no interest what is the point in going ahead, Why shouldn't I lies down and wait for fucking my wife , possibly , if that be my wait , I need not wait . I can fuck other women if I would like to , they are available in plenty around me, money would do the trick, but do I really want that .. I need food , nice drinks and nice life, so I need nice sex nice refuge for my frustration for my life .. but there is the root cause, my frustration for life, it lies not in the cunt of these bitches , or say gentle ladies, but in my own sense of life and its meaning lies wholly within me and in my senses, What is that which is not understood by me now seeks an understanding that is not possible to obtain , I do want to fuck women and lot of them but I don't want to do it really . I want to learn about things about the life , its principles and then move on and on and on and on ...
Why some day if there is a superpower , asks me what is it that you want .. I wouldn't be able to tell him , for I don't know, I want a lot and then at the same time I want nothing , How paradoxical of me to think in that way . Its really difficult for me to realize that I was being very bad and sad always and frustrated in life. I am frustrated about this world about its people, about pooja , about her nature about everyone's nature and thus my own nature as well . If in order to be successful you have to learn about others that is it , what you have found is nothing , but in this process you learn what others like you have had questioned and found their answers to it .. there is no doubt that these men of worth have had questioned every bit of their lives ,, but I again ask what is it worth, when you still die.. That is a non question .. There is no difference in the end , butthe means you used to achieve that in your life reflected the truth that you have held up in your brain. Sometimes I fear I will be left all alone in my life , left to fend for myself on my own , but I will not be cared by anyone or loved by anyone , and that is reason I don't look for anyone and the one's that I look for I want to keep them at a safe distance so that they don't dictate terms in my life. At certain point in my life I gathered this notion of life and it keeps playing in back of my mind.
How do you fight this instinct ? It wants pleasure but doesn't seek it , It wants to be knowledgable be but doesn't seek it truly. Am I , being too hasty in trying things find myself entagled in a mesh. I have to just keep walking and working ,path is already laid ahead of me and all I have to do is to keep walking , but I fear this loneliness. That is wrong ; there is n0 loneliness , and if there be one I wont be the last person for it .. I will always have people around me and them to discuss things with me . I need breath for my life, I want activity but I don't want to get lost in the myriad of mindless chase of vagina ,of its slimy liquid , what I want, I don't know. To just walk , to realize that somethings are done only when its time arrives. I will fight it , I will always fight it . I have been a fighter , to please myself. I would life to fuck but in case I don't get I can use my hands, I am certainty very much frustrated of my state of affairs, Why should I try to think of learning and learning till infinity. No people matter to me , all are fickle and so am I , I have to just shine in my life , go through these means to achieve a great end , be a winner in my own terms , and not in any one Else's, To live this life , to win this battle and be a final winner . To realize the truth and at some point or the other and gain traction int0 duties of reality , I seek philosophy to understand things that I don't , But I am just using it as a scapegoat for my own doubts , while If I seek it with earnest attempt I will find it revealing itself to me.
If it is to only reach the end that we strive, there is no requirement of choosing. There is no rational decision to be made. Means - they are quite understated in the common state of affairs. Means I guess is as, if not more, important as End. Means , is what life is , End is a sharp line of demarcation between existence and non-existence. Success , could only be valued if its means were great. Its this requirement of means being proper which forces me to realize the importance of making decisions.
Decision making is the process by which we choose between different alternatives in front of us , based on the futuristic guesses. Here is the catch,however, we make our decisions of future , based on our understanding of the past , and thus cant expect to get better than what we were. If past is what directs our decision surely something has been missed for future. But if we do not have a baseline where do we start from , what do we look out for? Since , it is not an easy question to answer, we seek defaults, created by society, by popular wisdom,by convention and I am afraid that I too don't have the answer. However let's try nonetheless.
If I am a human being and consider my joy and sorrow bound to other human beings , then we are caught in a vicious cycle of indeterminism. Trying to fill all the void is like trying to fill in all the holes in a net with chalk while it wades in water. In a sense it points out that being human is not end of me. My interaction with the world, in form of other human, animals, non-living elements,ideas etc is directed by my sense and thus by my mind. In a way , its the mind which is guarding my path, and tries to select the best possible way next. Why does mind have to do it ? There has to be some reason for it . Mind is not an absolute , but it tries to achieve absolute results, in terms of concretes that is success, sex, pleasure, pride, , but if there is no such permanent thing or to say that such a thing is only defined by my sense of good and bad which is the result of the confluence of the teaching of the world and the mind, then why can't it be directed to the best direction.Why do I get bored if it is so "bad", boredom results from our disinterested act and that results from doing things whihc we don't believe to be liking.But how can mind decide it , It doesn't have its own capacity to think straight , then how could it provide me a straight path in ,my life, thus there will not be any straight path, there will be several paths always in the life and I have to choose the best among them . But In a way I must have been choosing it all along , and must have had been doing it right for I cant do otherwise. I may not be very successful in my interaction with other human beings, not what I am good at , I am good at being diligent , liking things that I do , and keep on doing the same things, and doing the things in a good way. In discussing ,in learning . Where do I get such a path for my life. In education system may be , but am I ready to pay the price really ? I have doubts in my mind. I feel that the real source of frustration and doubt has been my own self doubt in the capacity to lead a life alone and then again a capacity to lead a life with rules and regulations set by others. If I cant live like the way others tell me, I cant expect them to be doing so for me as well , then whey do I seek it . Life doesn't want and doesn't need other things, there is no you and others., all are one , in this oneness lies something which you have to discover abut in what way do you think you are not discovering it as of now. There must be certain reasons for it . I don't understand the truth but it certainly in a way directs me to the point that , I carry this pretention in order to get selected at IIM so that some of my eccentricities lead me to that place and then again I shall be the same person , uninterested in the things around me.
If then there is no interest what is the point in going ahead, Why shouldn't I lies down and wait for fucking my wife , possibly , if that be my wait , I need not wait . I can fuck other women if I would like to , they are available in plenty around me, money would do the trick, but do I really want that .. I need food , nice drinks and nice life, so I need nice sex nice refuge for my frustration for my life .. but there is the root cause, my frustration for life, it lies not in the cunt of these bitches , or say gentle ladies, but in my own sense of life and its meaning lies wholly within me and in my senses, What is that which is not understood by me now seeks an understanding that is not possible to obtain , I do want to fuck women and lot of them but I don't want to do it really . I want to learn about things about the life , its principles and then move on and on and on and on ...
Why some day if there is a superpower , asks me what is it that you want .. I wouldn't be able to tell him , for I don't know, I want a lot and then at the same time I want nothing , How paradoxical of me to think in that way . Its really difficult for me to realize that I was being very bad and sad always and frustrated in life. I am frustrated about this world about its people, about pooja , about her nature about everyone's nature and thus my own nature as well . If in order to be successful you have to learn about others that is it , what you have found is nothing , but in this process you learn what others like you have had questioned and found their answers to it .. there is no doubt that these men of worth have had questioned every bit of their lives ,, but I again ask what is it worth, when you still die.. That is a non question .. There is no difference in the end , butthe means you used to achieve that in your life reflected the truth that you have held up in your brain. Sometimes I fear I will be left all alone in my life , left to fend for myself on my own , but I will not be cared by anyone or loved by anyone , and that is reason I don't look for anyone and the one's that I look for I want to keep them at a safe distance so that they don't dictate terms in my life. At certain point in my life I gathered this notion of life and it keeps playing in back of my mind.
How do you fight this instinct ? It wants pleasure but doesn't seek it , It wants to be knowledgable be but doesn't seek it truly. Am I , being too hasty in trying things find myself entagled in a mesh. I have to just keep walking and working ,path is already laid ahead of me and all I have to do is to keep walking , but I fear this loneliness. That is wrong ; there is n0 loneliness , and if there be one I wont be the last person for it .. I will always have people around me and them to discuss things with me . I need breath for my life, I want activity but I don't want to get lost in the myriad of mindless chase of vagina ,of its slimy liquid , what I want, I don't know. To just walk , to realize that somethings are done only when its time arrives. I will fight it , I will always fight it . I have been a fighter , to please myself. I would life to fuck but in case I don't get I can use my hands, I am certainty very much frustrated of my state of affairs, Why should I try to think of learning and learning till infinity. No people matter to me , all are fickle and so am I , I have to just shine in my life , go through these means to achieve a great end , be a winner in my own terms , and not in any one Else's, To live this life , to win this battle and be a final winner . To realize the truth and at some point or the other and gain traction int0 duties of reality , I seek philosophy to understand things that I don't , But I am just using it as a scapegoat for my own doubts , while If I seek it with earnest attempt I will find it revealing itself to me.
Unbridled rambling of mind.
Friday 17 July 2009
Esoteric
Esoteric is something private, understood by a select group. "Understanding" over here carries different meaning by the same virtue. Why is something esoteric something relevant, something revered though not understood. I don't understand Shakespeare, Plato,Aristotle, but I revere them , I consider them esoteric,however, I do so because I know that my incapacity to understand them, doesn't make it banal. Nevertheless, at the same time we know that we don't understand it and thus caught up with this perennial paradox , "obliging deference to an object we don't understand".
I guess the answer lies in the question itself. To "understand" that everything is not to be "understood" the same way , is too very difficult to "understand". By our instinct, we tend to view things in a simplified format, whereas whatever lies in front is not always expressible in the same ink. By trying to define things in concrete form we try to have a reductionist effect on the idea itself and therein lies the difficulty. These ideas are just "ideas", non- reducible to concretes, and an "esoteric" group "understands" that.
An example would help me clarify. Consider these two definitions:
Truth- Any act or behavior that conforms to available evidence.
Truth- Central idea behind existence, rather existence itself. Something that keeps changing, striving for itself, and never alone but always dual.
Former tends to reduce "Truth" to a very small dimension of understanding , whereas latter begets thought and thus paves way for understanding , thereby never reducing it. Thus , I find , to understand things that are esoteric we need to avoid reductionism and which answers my question as well, this paradox of "understanding" something which is not really understood is perennial, simply because it cannot be reduced to a set of words.
I guess the answer lies in the question itself. To "understand" that everything is not to be "understood" the same way , is too very difficult to "understand". By our instinct, we tend to view things in a simplified format, whereas whatever lies in front is not always expressible in the same ink. By trying to define things in concrete form we try to have a reductionist effect on the idea itself and therein lies the difficulty. These ideas are just "ideas", non- reducible to concretes, and an "esoteric" group "understands" that.
An example would help me clarify. Consider these two definitions:
Truth- Any act or behavior that conforms to available evidence.
Truth- Central idea behind existence, rather existence itself. Something that keeps changing, striving for itself, and never alone but always dual.
Former tends to reduce "Truth" to a very small dimension of understanding , whereas latter begets thought and thus paves way for understanding , thereby never reducing it. Thus , I find , to understand things that are esoteric we need to avoid reductionism and which answers my question as well, this paradox of "understanding" something which is not really understood is perennial, simply because it cannot be reduced to a set of words.
Thursday 16 July 2009
An unfinishsed drama. Act I
It was going to be an excruciating affair, watching things from so close. I had been at the helm earlier, but this time I was the spectator, which made it disconcerting for me.
It was to start from the garden, and then lead through the different area of building. In the garden two men sat on the bench , sprawling their legs on the lush lawn underneath. They seemed to be lost in their thoughts when suddenly a lady, slim and slender, in her youth, came in, blithely, oblivious of the quietude prevailing.
The two men , having been robbed off their solitude so casually, rose in anger, only to be melt at the sight of her. Heat of anger melted the wax of heart and the liquid seeped in their soul. It froze within their soul, and so did the moment around them. But the lady, oblivious of the tumult of the poor souls around her, flit though the garden. Jumping over the lawn, running through the pavement and picking up the daisies on the side walk, splashing the placid stream lying in peace.A song emanated from her heart and she danced on that tune. She was beautiful , she was mine. All of a sudden she turned around, looking in my direction , as if she saw me, yet I knew that she can't, with a cursory glance, she moved in other direction ,with a faint smile sprawled over her lips.
It was to start from the garden, and then lead through the different area of building. In the garden two men sat on the bench , sprawling their legs on the lush lawn underneath. They seemed to be lost in their thoughts when suddenly a lady, slim and slender, in her youth, came in, blithely, oblivious of the quietude prevailing.
The two men , having been robbed off their solitude so casually, rose in anger, only to be melt at the sight of her. Heat of anger melted the wax of heart and the liquid seeped in their soul. It froze within their soul, and so did the moment around them. But the lady, oblivious of the tumult of the poor souls around her, flit though the garden. Jumping over the lawn, running through the pavement and picking up the daisies on the side walk, splashing the placid stream lying in peace.A song emanated from her heart and she danced on that tune. She was beautiful , she was mine. All of a sudden she turned around, looking in my direction , as if she saw me, yet I knew that she can't, with a cursory glance, she moved in other direction ,with a faint smile sprawled over her lips.
Wednesday 15 July 2009
Pain's in your mind...
Where else ? Science, helps in proving this maxim. Skin was being taken off my body and I didn't even grimace , but after I saw it , it started paining. Till the time I hadn't seen it , I couldn't even relate to it , while right after I saw it , mind came into action.
Now if "pain" is in mind only, doesn't that offer a unique opportunity to forgo all pain. It surely does. So next time you feel pained, just believe that its not, by believing that there is no pain mind wouldn't act to the "pain" stimuli and thus there will be no pain.
Imagine the potency of this weapon, no "heart-aches", "hunger-pains" ,"failure-pains". Its awesome. Without any spending on the "pain-alleviation" programs , all the pain would be gone. The only glitch that appears over here is that of the "simplicity" of the scheme marring its significance. I even have the proofs from the real world. Our celebrities, the ever happy people, how do they keep that attitude? MJ took pain killer, Heath Ledger took pain killer, most of the Celebrities take pain killer , and you see the effect , there is no pain. Either they die or they live pain free.
JAM, what did I just say? "either they die". Oh yeah! I guess that there has to be an added caveat, "blowing away all your pain could kill you". This looks to me an indicative of something , I guess of life itself. Pain , acts as your alarm , indicating something is not right. And then we react to that, attempting to ameliorate the pain. When we do that , we actually serve to expurgate the insidious root of pain and thereby reclaiming normalcy. Makes sense, for if you were not to feel pain while someone is trying to take your head off, you would be off to the "last ride" without any knowledge of it. Pain affirms life, of its vagaries and uncertainties and motivates our attempt towards betterment.
All right then, Pain's in mind, but we need it , most of all , for life itself.
Now if "pain" is in mind only, doesn't that offer a unique opportunity to forgo all pain. It surely does. So next time you feel pained, just believe that its not, by believing that there is no pain mind wouldn't act to the "pain" stimuli and thus there will be no pain.
Imagine the potency of this weapon, no "heart-aches", "hunger-pains" ,"failure-pains". Its awesome. Without any spending on the "pain-alleviation" programs , all the pain would be gone. The only glitch that appears over here is that of the "simplicity" of the scheme marring its significance. I even have the proofs from the real world. Our celebrities, the ever happy people, how do they keep that attitude? MJ took pain killer, Heath Ledger took pain killer, most of the Celebrities take pain killer , and you see the effect , there is no pain. Either they die or they live pain free.
JAM, what did I just say? "either they die". Oh yeah! I guess that there has to be an added caveat, "blowing away all your pain could kill you". This looks to me an indicative of something , I guess of life itself. Pain , acts as your alarm , indicating something is not right. And then we react to that, attempting to ameliorate the pain. When we do that , we actually serve to expurgate the insidious root of pain and thereby reclaiming normalcy. Makes sense, for if you were not to feel pain while someone is trying to take your head off, you would be off to the "last ride" without any knowledge of it. Pain affirms life, of its vagaries and uncertainties and motivates our attempt towards betterment.
All right then, Pain's in mind, but we need it , most of all , for life itself.
Saturday 11 July 2009
Gulzaar - A poet unmatched.
My earliest introduction to Gulzaar was when I developed some sense of life. Until then , it were general melody songs that fascinated me, with Mukesh being my favorite singer. It was often said to me, as long as you are kid you would like Mukesh, but not after you have grown up and it proved very true. For Mukesh was seamlessly supplanted by the likes of Kishore, Asha etc.
But, what gave worth to that music? For me , it started with Gulzaar. His words were like crafted pearls, woven into a long thread finely and yet effortlessly. The fascination started with the admiration of, a mellifluous Lata humming Tujhse naraaj nahi zindagi. And then it was an unending chain of lyrical gems from Gulzaar that drove me to a higher plane. Few remarkable ones were , Mera kuch samaan,Tum aa gaye ho,O manjhi re,Humne dekhi hai,Huzzoor iss kadar,Tere bina zindagi se.
The greatest quality of his songs are that they do not appear to be the work of a contrived genius , but rather of an accidental genius , writing out of careless regard of words,with most of his songs looking into the simple and ingenuous yet unnamed facts of daily life.The variety of lyrics that he has provided could be hardly believed by a casual onlooker. It ranges from such deeply abstract , "Humne Dekhi hai" , to childish hum "Lakdi ki kaathi". I think "Masoom" is symbolic of his eclectic variety. Nonetheless, his song in parichay ,"Musaafir hoon yaroon" , appears as restless yet composed as a lost yet untiring traveler.
However, in non-films category as well, he hasn't been any less active. His album, "Sunset point" , has several gems embedded in it. He narrates the story in his rugged yet silken voice and along with it moves the entire series of events. One of the particularly beautiful piece from that album is ,"Kacche rang utar jaane do", sung huskily yet deeply by Chitra.
In the contemporary period , he has written a whole basket of varying songs. Ranging from "Bidi jalai le" in Omkara, to Oscar winning "Jai Ho" in Slumdog millionaire. Once you have known his quality of work , you could instinctively tell which of the song could be Gulzaar's, but he nevertheless doesn't fail to spring surprises, like "Jabaan pe laga namak ishq ka". Whatever he writes, there is a sort of implicit guarantee associated with it, the guarantee that the song would be a piece of woven literary blanket, where words would play with each other and yet send out something so deep and ingenuous.
To Know more about his songs and his works, you could browse here,
But, what gave worth to that music? For me , it started with Gulzaar. His words were like crafted pearls, woven into a long thread finely and yet effortlessly. The fascination started with the admiration of, a mellifluous Lata humming Tujhse naraaj nahi zindagi. And then it was an unending chain of lyrical gems from Gulzaar that drove me to a higher plane. Few remarkable ones were , Mera kuch samaan,Tum aa gaye ho,O manjhi re,Humne dekhi hai,Huzzoor iss kadar,Tere bina zindagi se.
The greatest quality of his songs are that they do not appear to be the work of a contrived genius , but rather of an accidental genius , writing out of careless regard of words,with most of his songs looking into the simple and ingenuous yet unnamed facts of daily life.The variety of lyrics that he has provided could be hardly believed by a casual onlooker. It ranges from such deeply abstract , "Humne Dekhi hai" , to childish hum "Lakdi ki kaathi". I think "Masoom" is symbolic of his eclectic variety. Nonetheless, his song in parichay ,"Musaafir hoon yaroon" , appears as restless yet composed as a lost yet untiring traveler.
However, in non-films category as well, he hasn't been any less active. His album, "Sunset point" , has several gems embedded in it. He narrates the story in his rugged yet silken voice and along with it moves the entire series of events. One of the particularly beautiful piece from that album is ,"Kacche rang utar jaane do", sung huskily yet deeply by Chitra.
In the contemporary period , he has written a whole basket of varying songs. Ranging from "Bidi jalai le" in Omkara, to Oscar winning "Jai Ho" in Slumdog millionaire. Once you have known his quality of work , you could instinctively tell which of the song could be Gulzaar's, but he nevertheless doesn't fail to spring surprises, like "Jabaan pe laga namak ishq ka". Whatever he writes, there is a sort of implicit guarantee associated with it, the guarantee that the song would be a piece of woven literary blanket, where words would play with each other and yet send out something so deep and ingenuous.
To Know more about his songs and his works, you could browse here,
http://www.gulzar.info/
Friday 10 July 2009
A zero sum game
For a game there has to be participants, and for the sum to be zero there must be something that would be added. Former is you , but what is latter?
Inasmuch I understand, the components that are to be added are your deeds and their implications , with a positive score for every "success" and negative for "failures". Although , failures are predominant candidates, success pays irregular and unexpected visits, however, when the "end" arrives, both positive and negative scores come at par and the resulting sum happens to be ZERO.
For an end there has to be a beginning, but what I see as the beginning and the end are only consequences of my reasoning setup. If being unconscious is the end and gaining consciousness is the beginning, it repeats for me everyday. Every sleep takes away my consciousness and every morning brings it back. This isn't something right, there is no "end", simply because there is no "beginning".
My consciousness plays truant over here. It forces me to see the world as it understands, but what it understands is something which doesn't seek understanding. Why again I get trapped into the circular traps of my mind? Why does it seek to understand more than what it is?
That which it is , I cant think of, and that what I think , doesn't confirm it. But does my thought fight it? It appears to be so . It fights my existence, it realizes in me sadness and happiness, it leads me to a structure, it plays the part of my guide . Where is my primal identity? It lies not in these words, not in success, not in anything, yet why don't I seem to find it?
Yet, If I find it , how will I recognize it without my mind? How will it be named? How would it appear? I may be asking wrong questions here, but answers are what I seek. Manifest thyself, if there it is , beyond my thinking. I find no answer, yet get a glimpse of it. It reveals itself in the "cuckoo" of koel on the tree nearby, that sings along with me , sharing ourselves. It manifests itself in the green pastures to which I run and the mud I roll in. In the silent whispers of the breeze that furtively sneaks in, and into the sleep that makes all a king.
My primal identity lies not in these words, but they seem to provide me the assurance of its existence. Of the assurance that there is no end, that there is no sum and that there is no game.
Inasmuch I understand, the components that are to be added are your deeds and their implications , with a positive score for every "success" and negative for "failures". Although , failures are predominant candidates, success pays irregular and unexpected visits, however, when the "end" arrives, both positive and negative scores come at par and the resulting sum happens to be ZERO.
For an end there has to be a beginning, but what I see as the beginning and the end are only consequences of my reasoning setup. If being unconscious is the end and gaining consciousness is the beginning, it repeats for me everyday. Every sleep takes away my consciousness and every morning brings it back. This isn't something right, there is no "end", simply because there is no "beginning".
My consciousness plays truant over here. It forces me to see the world as it understands, but what it understands is something which doesn't seek understanding. Why again I get trapped into the circular traps of my mind? Why does it seek to understand more than what it is?
That which it is , I cant think of, and that what I think , doesn't confirm it. But does my thought fight it? It appears to be so . It fights my existence, it realizes in me sadness and happiness, it leads me to a structure, it plays the part of my guide . Where is my primal identity? It lies not in these words, not in success, not in anything, yet why don't I seem to find it?
Yet, If I find it , how will I recognize it without my mind? How will it be named? How would it appear? I may be asking wrong questions here, but answers are what I seek. Manifest thyself, if there it is , beyond my thinking. I find no answer, yet get a glimpse of it. It reveals itself in the "cuckoo" of koel on the tree nearby, that sings along with me , sharing ourselves. It manifests itself in the green pastures to which I run and the mud I roll in. In the silent whispers of the breeze that furtively sneaks in, and into the sleep that makes all a king.
My primal identity lies not in these words, but they seem to provide me the assurance of its existence. Of the assurance that there is no end, that there is no sum and that there is no game.
Its all just a long,endless, quietude.
Thursday 9 July 2009
Birth & Re-Birth
And I accepted another birth. Squirming, wriggling , and dying to get going. The stream in front giggled over the pebbles , which shone though the light that filtered through the thin layer of stream. Across the river, there was dense vegetation , verdant and lush. I sprinted towards the other shore, one jump was all it took. However, as I landed, darkness loomed over the area, lush vegetation had turned to dark logs. Bewildered, I turned around, only to find the other shore , as desolate as ever.
My claim to life was due, it had to be affirmed by the human in me.However, when darkness drenches the horizon, one can only be left wondering. Not me,however. I was freshly born , unencumbered with the conventional wisdom. I closed my eyes, and shut off the sensation of sight. It was no longer dark, darkness had no meaning now. As I moved further, assisted by my senses, I ran into dark objects, but they didn't deter me , for I couldn't see them. They were all same to me, symptomatic of objects, neither good nor bad.
I walked for , I don't know how long; there was no time. It seemed to be long since I started and yet it was just as near to me as the engraving on my mind. Suddenly , the clamor of surrounding overgrew the silence within. It was disturbing to an infant. How can he cope with it. It worsened. I was the source of common anger. I was the harbinger of change, a change that locked its horns with stasis. I represented something I didn't understand, yet I was never separate from it. Subject and object had colluded and now there was none. An arrogant person threw coconut on my head, and naturally it blasted into two. I stood unmoved, for I didn't know what was on. People around me clapped, there was jubilation all around.
I was unmoved, undeterred, for I was never challenged. My head became the slab for breaking coconut shells, it fell apart on my head, and I sensed a liquid down my nose. It moved into my mouth and I sensed "hunger", it grew, unfettered, unbound. It drove me mad. I needed more of it , my hunger killed me, it drove me down. I sought the public to use me for their fun and give me in turn the "liquid" that I wanted so much now. Laughter turned louder, clamor grew bigger, and the liquid poured faster. I drank it ; kept drinking it. And suddenly there was a deluge of the "liquid". I couldn't swallow it all and I puked. Clamor died down at once, laughter ceased. It was all silent again.I was losing all my senses and out of fear, I opened my eyes. It was still dark all around.
Instinctively I shut them back at once and shed my breath.
.
.
.
"Do you seek re-birth?", a faint voice echoed. I obliged, and here I was once again.
Stream gurgled and I could see the verdant landscape on the other side. I took a jump ....
My claim to life was due, it had to be affirmed by the human in me.However, when darkness drenches the horizon, one can only be left wondering. Not me,however. I was freshly born , unencumbered with the conventional wisdom. I closed my eyes, and shut off the sensation of sight. It was no longer dark, darkness had no meaning now. As I moved further, assisted by my senses, I ran into dark objects, but they didn't deter me , for I couldn't see them. They were all same to me, symptomatic of objects, neither good nor bad.
I walked for , I don't know how long; there was no time. It seemed to be long since I started and yet it was just as near to me as the engraving on my mind. Suddenly , the clamor of surrounding overgrew the silence within. It was disturbing to an infant. How can he cope with it. It worsened. I was the source of common anger. I was the harbinger of change, a change that locked its horns with stasis. I represented something I didn't understand, yet I was never separate from it. Subject and object had colluded and now there was none. An arrogant person threw coconut on my head, and naturally it blasted into two. I stood unmoved, for I didn't know what was on. People around me clapped, there was jubilation all around.
I was unmoved, undeterred, for I was never challenged. My head became the slab for breaking coconut shells, it fell apart on my head, and I sensed a liquid down my nose. It moved into my mouth and I sensed "hunger", it grew, unfettered, unbound. It drove me mad. I needed more of it , my hunger killed me, it drove me down. I sought the public to use me for their fun and give me in turn the "liquid" that I wanted so much now. Laughter turned louder, clamor grew bigger, and the liquid poured faster. I drank it ; kept drinking it. And suddenly there was a deluge of the "liquid". I couldn't swallow it all and I puked. Clamor died down at once, laughter ceased. It was all silent again.I was losing all my senses and out of fear, I opened my eyes. It was still dark all around.
Instinctively I shut them back at once and shed my breath.
.
.
.
"Do you seek re-birth?", a faint voice echoed. I obliged, and here I was once again.
Stream gurgled and I could see the verdant landscape on the other side. I took a jump ....
Friday 3 July 2009
Identity and Death
This piece of article intends to take a deep dive into philosophy of identity.
I just finished the book Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. A very difficult read and certainly one of those books which literally enchanted me and I had visions beyond comprehension. However, its something which that book forced me to realize that I wish to jot down. Besides the common fact that Quality is the undefined essence of life, the book questions the objective truths . What does a "person" constitute of ? If looked objectively , it would tend to list organic entities, hand, face, legs, mind and so on. But Objective view isn't the only view,rather its a skewed view. So used to believing ( through the senses of sight and reasoning) the individual as an objective entity are we that we get blinded by our own reasoning. Subjectively an individual is much more than the sum of his parts. He is part of a framework. But, what happens when he dies?
I just finished the book Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. A very difficult read and certainly one of those books which literally enchanted me and I had visions beyond comprehension. However, its something which that book forced me to realize that I wish to jot down. Besides the common fact that Quality is the undefined essence of life, the book questions the objective truths . What does a "person" constitute of ? If looked objectively , it would tend to list organic entities, hand, face, legs, mind and so on. But Objective view isn't the only view,rather its a skewed view. So used to believing ( through the senses of sight and reasoning) the individual as an objective entity are we that we get blinded by our own reasoning. Subjectively an individual is much more than the sum of his parts. He is part of a framework. But, what happens when he dies?
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